Jane Jensen

Juliet Capulet

Will Keenan

Tromeo Que

Valentine Miele

Murray Martini

William Beckwith

Cappy Capulet

Steve Gibbons

London Arbuckle

Sean Gunn

Sammy Capulet

Debbie Rochon

Ness

Lemmy Kilmister

Narrator

Stephen Blackehart

Benny Que

Flip Brown

Father Lawrence

Earl McKoy

Monty Que

Gene Terinoni

Detective Ernie Scalus

Wendy Adams

Ingrid Capulet

Tamara Marie Watson

Georgie Capulet

Antonia Lurie

Brittany

Jacqueline Tavarez

Rosy

Tiffany Shepis

Peter

Joe Fleishaker

1-900-HOT-HUNK

James Gunn

Found a Peanut Father

Lloyd Kaufman

Shocked Onlooker

Lisbeth Kaufman

Mutant Kid

Charlotte Kaufman

Mutant Kid

Caroline Smith

Pauline

Jason Green

Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (uncredited)

Ron Jeremy

Tromaville Citizen (uncredited)

Garon Peterson

Fu Chang

Joseph Anthony

Flavio (Penis Monster Guy)

Craig Adams

Guy Who Says It Will Take Him Only Two Minutes to Have Sex

Neil Ruddy

Nice Man Hit By Car!!